No really, are you okay?
I’m asking because I’d really like to know.
The first time someone asked me this question and looked into my eyes and waited for a real answer, I burst into tears. This happened 18 months after my husband’s SCA.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that no one had asked me how I was before, of course, they had. It might be just me, but I always felt the right thing to say was, “I’m fine, all good, we’re getting there”. After all, I was incredibly lucky in that against all the odds, my husband survived his SCA.
What I really wanted to tell them was that my world had turned upside down and I had an endless list of questions.
Why had it happened?
Would my husband have another arrest?
Was it genetic?
What about our children, his siblings?
Would he be able to work again?
I didn’t know what the future would hold for us – and it was scary, very scary.
I had so many questions, but not so many answers.
I was doing my best to juggle all the balls, but deep down I was scared and very uncertain about the future.
So, when I ask how you are, I really mean it.
I realise now that it is okay not to be okay.
It is okay to ask for help.
In fact, sometimes it’s necessary.
It’s not possible to keep juggling the balls if you’re not okay yourself. We are all human and we all need help sometimes. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your fears with family or friends, remember there is always the group and beyond that, counselling.
Did you know that as a member of the SCA UK group you are able to get up to 6 free counselling sessions?