It’s odd being an SCA survivor because you do seem to think differently to how you used to. I was stood on a platform yesterday 6ft high using an angle grinder on our boat hull.
Firstly I noted that the on switch locked on which meant if I dropped it then it might not turn off. That’s fine I suppose unless it fell on me which wouldn’t be fun.
Then I wondered if the magnets in the electric motor affected my ICD.
Well I didn’t fall and my ICD didn’t bleep so I assume that’s okay, but it got me to thinking about quite how much an SCA affects our daily thinking.
I realised how it affects my EVERY thought in that in anything I do or in some cases do not do the SCA calculations in my mind constantly takes place like a computer cooling fan humming away in the background.
I go for a walk and wonder if it will be too long or hilly and I will collapse, but on the other hand I know the walk will be good for me, but on the other hand it might be too far, but………….and so it goes on…….
Do something strenuous and wonder if my heart will be okay.
Go into someone’s kitchen and look at the hob to see if it’s an induction hob, caution, caution, caution……
While using an electric tool with a motor.
Climbing or descending a ladder etc etc…….
The list goes on forever really and while these thoughts of self preservation churn around in my mind I cannot help but wonder if it’s the same for everyone with some ailment.
The blind leaving their home.
The epileptics going through a bad patch.
The diabetics at a social function.
Do all people generally unwittingly exhibit a cautious attitude to everyday life (beyond the obvious) and my/our extra considerations are just a bolt on to that ?
I don’t know, but it’s an interesting thought that I have never really crystallised before that people with an ailment live with the low level hum of the stress of having to pre-mortem pretty well everything they do precisely because of their ailment
Behaving a little like a soldier moving through hostile territory always on his/her guard that an attack could come at any moment from anywhere and they need to be in a constant state of readiness.
He/she keeps their head together but does it eventually take its toll I wonder ?
7 thoughts on “Altered Minds”
I know exactly what you mean. Never being able to fully trust your own heart to be there for you without question day in and day out! But we have to overcome and try to live as we did before. It’s the only way I can cope. ????
This is my life!! Just had my 2nd anniversary and thinking is there ever going to be a day that I don’t feel like a heart patient, nervous and scared of everything? I guess not!
I remember every street name I walk down incase I collapse still hate going on trains busses I love hiking but don’t go incase anything happens my mind does overtime night and day it’s been this way for 4 years tiring me out mentally ..great article thanks
I am seven months out from my sca.
I used to worry myself sick about it.so I woke up one day and said he Richie you were given a second chance to live what your doing isn’t living it’s torture.so I decided to live my life to the fullest if I want a beer I’ll drink it if I want to eat greasy good it’s going down the hatch.if I want to go hunting I’m gone.if my wife wants to have a marathon of sex I’m on it.im not letting my sca define me of who I am or once was.every day is a gift.so I live my life the way I did before my sca and I haven’t regretted it yet.
2 years 5th m I 14 days in icu 2 years of worries, no sleep, used to be very outgoing now not so much..
I couldn’t resist commenting. Perfectly written!
Omg! That article is how I feel in a nutshell, although Don’t think I have ever said it to anyone as not sure if they understand. Reading blog & other people’s comments has made me feel not alone, thank you.