The doorstop, five years on

Five years on from my sudden cardiac arrest. Time seems to be on fast forward these days and my “re-birthday” has kind of crept up on me. This is seemingly in contrast to previous years where the nearer the date came the more I would think about what happened and what might of been. It’s going to be impossible to totally forget it though, not just because of it’s significance, but because it’s the day after my real birthday.

I blogged about my previous re-birthdays last year and it’s only just now that I remembered that I did so! Having just refreshed myself on what I wrote I’ve just realised that this year is the first that I have been home on the anniversary. I must admit there was a slight amount of trepidation lingering in the background as yesterday was eerily like the day before it happened, lunch with my wife and parents and then a show in the evening.

This morning, as I did on that fateful day I ventured to the gym. This time though I undertook a pilates class, under the watchful eye of the instructor – my wife and saviour.

Previously I’ve always wanted to do something to take my mind off of “that day”. In hindsight, this has probably only resurfaced memories and levels of stress for her, and they would probably be best left forgotten. I can’t imagine the abject terror she must have gone through when she came up the stairs to speak to me and found me doing a very good impression of a doorstop. I think many lifesaver partners are the hidden victims of an SCA.

So, I’m glad that today is pretty much like a normal day and that a break in her busy schedule has meant she can have some time catching up with some friends, not thinking or worrying about me.

Time is a great healer, albeit slowly, and I’ll take that.

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